I have my music, my pen, and a notebook. Often these are all I need to maintain my sanity.
I would say this is another relationship over where I leave with less than I had before it. Yet that would be a lie. Whilst I may have given up material goods, whilst my heart may be a little worse for wear, everything I wrote in my diary at the start of this is true. He has indeed taught me not to settle.
As chance would have it, our song played in the newsagents I visited just after saying goodbye to him. I nearly looked for the cameras.
He made it easy to go in the end. Although, there is the dread of explaining it to my family.
My daughter pulled a sicky today. She is unbelievably strong and kept trying to hide the tears. In the end I found out why. She has reached the time where she wonders why Mummy and Daddy don't live together. I think I explained it okay. Difficult to tell enough of the truth whilst not telling any of it. How to make it sound like Mummy had a good reason to leave Daddy without damaging the image she has of her father.
She'd also picked up on X and I splitting up. She told me twice she missed him today. She also said she wanted to be here instead of her dad's more often.
Personally, I have some saviors to help me through this. Not just that one person who keeps checking I'm okay, they're an absolute star. But all my friends. I've never been so lucky. It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you know there are people who care how you are.
Monday I was pissed off, because I wish he hadn't done that just before I met up with people. Because I knew it would end up being me breaking the news to some of them and it wasn't my place. X shouldn't have been in so much denial, especially when it was his call to end it now. I didn't want his family to find out via Facebook... and I totally saw the 'you're crap' attitude from certain people and someone else getting over-friendly.
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